there are times when i get really depressed about myself as a person.

i've had a few good friends that i've grown apart from. and now when i try to initiate conversations with them, it just kind of falls flat.

sometimes i get into these weird moods and i feel like if i were more interesting, people would actually want to keep in touch and they would actually reciprocate my efforts to try to start a conversation.

i know that that's ridiculous, because i'm awesome and i shouldn't need to prove myself to anyone etc etc. but really, if i was that good of a friend, then why would they stop talking to me?

my insecurity kills me sometimes.

and last night i was listening to "happier" on repeat and sobbing.

because i was just imagining how painful it would be to grow apart from the person that i care about the most.

and i know it's ridiculous, to imagine being dumped when there is absolutely no reason to do so, we're happy as clams, really.

and it's not something that i worry about. it just sucks to think about.

i don't think i could ever, ever trust anyone again.